I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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