he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
