this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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