I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
