White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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