I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
