im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
