i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
