Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
