We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
