Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
