I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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