craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
