just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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