I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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