I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
