after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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