So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
