who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
