I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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