i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
