My friends, they love my intelligence
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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