she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
