She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize