Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
