thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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