May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i think my cat just said my name.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
