I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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