I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize