Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
