He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
