White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
