I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
