i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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