sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As shirtless as possible
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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