I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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