I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
