I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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