I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
