The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
