Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
