Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
