The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
