you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
