Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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