im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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