I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
