here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
