the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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