I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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