I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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