I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
