May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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