Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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