So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
