did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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