he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
