when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
