i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
