she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
