My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
