ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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