okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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