He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
