Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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