His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
