Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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