I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just pee around me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
