I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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