Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
