she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
