He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
