I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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