dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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