Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
