He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize