Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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