This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
