you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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