So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
