what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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