Your dad touched me again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
