I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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