mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
