youre lurking in front of me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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