I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
