i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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