The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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